This is the third installment in our Take Back the Holidays Series. The holiday season can be a stressful time, so start planning now to reduce that stress. This year, get the most from your holidays without adding financial stress.

The holidays will be here before we know it: will you be ready, or will you be stressing out, overspending, and running up your credit card bill? Will you be feeling the pain when your credit card bill comes in January? Do you want to take control of your finances, reduce your holiday expenses, and stay out of debt while still having an enjoyable time with friends and family?

In part 1 of our Take Back the Holidays Series, we talked about how to earn extra money to cover holiday expenses. In part 2 we talked about reducing your holiday expenses. Today we’re talking about how we give to family and friends while keeping the spending under control. If you’re struggling in this area, our ideas can help you reduce the financial stress.

How We Manage Family Gift Giving

First off, having (or encouraging) minimalist tendencies helps. We’ve never been ones for buying lots of expensive gifts, but even lots of cheaper gifts can push us off our budget. These days we give fewer gifts, but they’re still not super expensive. We’ve also started gifting experiences over things. On occasion, we’ve given handmade items. I rarely do this any more as I don’t have much time or energy, but I do take the time to make ornaments every year (more on those in a minute).

We handle gift giving differently with each of our families, and each way works for that family. We may change things up eventually, but these methods have been working for a number of years now.

Gift giving for our immediate family

A few years ago Jeremy and I started doing the four gifts thing for our kiddos: something to read, something to wear, something they want, something they need. There’s other versions as well, but this is the one that resonated with us.

• wear = pjs, opened the night before (not something we did when I was growing up, but I love this tradition)
• read = a book (obvs)
• need = varies by kiddo
• want = again, varies by kiddo

We also do stockings: some candy, underwear or fun socks, hair stuff, toothbrushes, glow sticks, match box cars, etc. We don’t spend a lot on the contents of the stockings; the underwear is usually the most expensive item in them.

There’s not a strict budget for the kids’ presents, but in general, the less I spend, the better. This works better for our younger boys. Our teenage daughter’s wants and needs have started getting more expensive, but we still keep the spending at a reasonable level. Regardless of which kiddo I’m shopping for, I look for deals and use coupon codes and cash back sites to lower the costs of the items I buy for them.

Lest you think our children are deprived, they still receive presents from their grandparents and some of their aunts and uncles and cousins. They have more than enough toys 🙂

Jeremy and I will usually exchange small gifts, but we don’t do anything too elaborate, and some years we don’t exchange gifts at all. We tend to roll Christmas, birthdays, anniversary, and so on into one large gift. Most recently this was our RV, but trips to Disney World have also fallen under this heading. Realistically, there’s not a lot of things we need or want, and gift giving isn’t our love language, so this works for us.

Gift giving for our extended families

We used to give individual gifts to every member of our families. When you consider my parents, 8 siblings with assorted spouses and children, and Jeremy’s parents, 4 siblings and their assorted spouses and children, it was EXPENSIVE. Even trying to find inexpensive gifts added up, and resulted in us giving (and receiving) mostly useless chochtkes. It wasn’t a satisfactory gift giving experience for anyone involved. It was also very stressful trying to find that many presents without breaking the bank.

After a couple years of this, we switched things up. We conferred with our family members and established rotations and price ranges that everyone agreed on. Our siblings have a variety of jobs and some of them pay more than others. Consequently, we made sure to agree on numbers that wouldn’t be stressful for those on the lower end of the pay scale. My family organized things a little differently than Jeremy’s, but they both work. Everyone spends a lot less while giving much more meaningful, and useful, gifts. It’s less stressful and more enjoyable for all.

If our family members were more crafty, hands-on types, we would have included handmade gifts when we set things up. However, they’re not, so we stick with purchasing gifts.

My family’s version

Each adult sibling or in-law gives to another sibling or in-law. There’s a rotation that skips your spouse, but allows you to give to everyone else eventually. Gifts are in the $50 range. Married couples give to two people, single people give to one person. More than half the siblings aren’t married so this seemed more fair than giving to families, especially if that family was made up of just one person.

Everyone gives to our parents. Sometimes we band together to get them more expensive gifts, sometimes we don’t.

Cousins give to cousins. There’s only three of us with kids, so we only give to two sets of cousins, and we usually do group gifts. Sometimes my unmarried sisters will give gifts to their nieces and nephews, but my unmarried brothers don’t, and there’s no expectation that they would.

Jeremy’s family’s version

Each sibling family gives to another sibling family. There’s a simple rotation to track who you give to each year and it’s impossible to give to your own family. Gifts can be one large gift for the whole family or several smaller ones for individual family members. Price range should total about $150.

Everyone gives to their parents. Sometimes we band together to get them more expensive gifts, sometimes we don’t.

Because gifts are given to the whole family, we don’t give gifts to the cousins not in that year’s rotation. If our kiddos were close to one or two of their cousins, we would give to them, but they’ve drifted apart over the years of us living halfway across the country, so we don’t.

Gift giving for other extended family members

Every year we make ornaments. Sometimes I have the kids help, sometimes it’s just me, it just depends on what we’re making that year. We keep one for us and each of the kids, but we also send one to each set of grandparents, great grandma, and a couple great aunts. They don’t need a lot of stuff and they appreciate the personal touch of a handmade ornament that doesn’t take up much space. This year’s ornaments will probably be similar to one of the ones in my shop.

Meals

Holidays tend to revolve around eating. Hosting family meals can be stressful from a food prep standpoint, but it can also be stressful financially if you’re feeding a large group. There is nothing wrong with asking your guests to bring a dish to share.

Spreading the food responsibility around eases that financial stress while also allowing you to sample new dishes. You’ll have more time and energy to socialize with your friends or family and spend less time in the kitchen. Sounds like a win-win situation to me!

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These are things that have worked for us, but can easily be adapted for your situation. Like I mentioned in part 2 of this series, this is the year to make changes to holiday traditions. So many people are experiencing upheaval, tighter budgets, and difficult financial choices. Financial stress doesn’t add to the enjoyment of the season, so start now to make sure the holidays are as enjoyable as possible.

Did you miss last week’s post about giving experiences? That could be incorporated into your family gift giving as well. As our children get older, I think we’ll evolve from the four gifts method to the experience method. I can see it working for extended family as well, depending on the experience gifted and the agreed-upon budget.

I hope this Take Back the Holidays series has been helpful in helping you get control of your holiday spending. If you have any tips for making the holidays less stressful, I’d love to hear them!

• Part 1 in our Holiday Hacking Series: How to earn extra money for Christmas.
• Part 2 in our Holiday Hacking Series: How to reduce your holiday expenses.
• Part 3 in our Holiday Hacking Series: How to manage family gift giving.