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Helicopter parents. Tiger moms. Free range kids. These are all terms we’ve heard bandied about in news articles, blog posts, and books.
When Sunshine was little, I was most definitely a helicopter parent. In my defense, she was an only child that we had waited years for and I couldn’t bear the thought of anything happening to her.
So I hovered protectively over her.
We moved to Virginia just before Sunshine turned four and I met a friend who was most definitely not a helicopter parent to her eight children. We had many discussions about raising children and she encouraged me in my efforts to hover less.
In the years since our move I’ve made great strides towards being less of a hovering, ready-to-jump-in-at-any-moment parent, and more of a sit-back-and-see-what-happens parent.
It’s a conscious decision that I still work on.
I will say that it’s much easier to hover less with more than one kiddo to worry about.
I’ve also found it to be easier as they get older, though I have to face everything all over again as each child gets old enough to be more independent.
Surroundings
River is allowed to roam our yard and the woods that surround our house, which he loves to do. I think I’ve been letting him do this for the past year or so. Maybe a little more?
He’s allowed to go to the neighbor’s house that borders our property (they have a little boy his age and twins Ocean’s age), but not to anyone else’s property. His ability to go next door and play outside unattended comes and goes. He’s currently only allowed to play outside if Sunshine or I are outside with him as he recently ventured down the driveway to one of the other houses on our little dead-end road, which is not allowed.
Because we live at the end of a rarely traveled dead-end gravel road on an almost 2 acre lot I am much more willing to let River roam around than if we lived on a small lot on a busy street. If that was the case, I’d be more watchful and make sure he was able to abide by the limits we set.
Limits
Speaking of limits, know what you can handle, what you can’t, and what your child can handle.
I’ve just started letting Ocean run around the yard without me hovering over him and it’s brought everything to the surface again. I’m fine as long as I can see him, but if he ventures up to the hill to the other side of the house I start getting nervous.
Ocean has proven that he can climb up and down the ladder to the trampoline, so I don’t hover when he’s playing there. I do keep an eye out for unexpected problems, but I give him space to explore and try things out for himself. I don’t let him play outside by himself- he (and I) are not ready for that yet.
Patience
Kids will push boundaries- sometimes on purpose, sometimes unknowingly. It’s our job to help them learn what is ok and expected and what is not ok or not safe.
I mentioned in my last post that I’ve started letting Ocean hike small portions of our hikes. This has transformed the end of our hikes into a slow, meandering experience, but it’s also such a great learning experience for him. And for Sunshine and River, since it helps them learn patience.
When one of our kids fall it can be tempting to rush in and make it all better. But they don’t always need our help. Sometimes they just need the opportunity to brush themselves off, get up, and try again. Or we need to let an older sibling help them out.
Celebrate their achievements
Stepping back and letting them learn and gain confidence is so empowering for our children. When they turn to you with a great big smile that shows how proud they are because they just did something by themselves, smile back and cheer them on.
Allowing our children to learn and grow, succeed and fail, fall and get back up again, will help them grow in to confident adults who aren’t afraid to try new experiences.
